Mom! We won a book last week! Yes, I said “we” because I refuse to believe that this was anything but a collaboration between you, me, and spirit.
See, the book giveaway was being offered through Sacred Earth Journeys. I guess they put on these tours to different parts of the world. And their contest asked people to describe which of the three tours they are offering would be the place they’d want to go, and why.
The choices were:
Search for Wisdom in Sacred India- with the leader Andrew Harvey
Discover the Wild West of Ireland- with Phil Cousineau
or Connect to the Power Places in Ancient Peru- with Freddy Silva.
They all sound amazing, but of course, I chose the one to India. First of all, because, well, it’s India. Those are my roots and I’ve always wanted to see India. I know it would be one of the most special and profound, if not the most, trips I could ever go on. Plus, I know YOU really wanted to see India. And I am so sorry that I didn’t stand up for you and your rights and your dreams when anyone told you you couldn’t go to India because of your age, or your situation or your health, or whatever other fears they might have had within themselves, or for you. It was not right to cut down your dreams and hopes like that.
And I am so sorry I couldn’t find a way to take you to India, to make that and other dreams of yours come true. I couldn’t even figure out how to get myself there. I still don’t know how that would work. My crazy immune system reacts badly when I am in western countries. I am not sure how it would handle the food, heat, change of atmosphere, or any vaccinations I might have to take before going out there. So that, on top of making sure you were safe and properly cared for,… it felt like too much of a risk to take all by myself. I didn’t want to put you in any harm if I were not well there.
And the way I travel- it’s kind of not conducive to nice, sweet, take your time and know exactly where you are going mothers like you. I wouldn’t want to do that to you. It wouldn’t have worked. But it’s the best way I know how to travel for myself- to have some kind of loose plan, but then go with the flow and even get lost in places that led me to the best adventures I never would have found otherwise.
That is not something I could have put you through. Of course not. But I didn’t know how to plan a trip with you where I wouldn’t know the place, or how my body would handle it. So… I chickened out and made no plans for us at all. I am sorry, Mom. It will always be another big regret of mine.
It’s probably the biggest reason I was compelled to choose India in this “contest”. And the word ‘sacred’- well, you must know by now how that can draw me in. Especially now. I am looking for something sacred, spiritual. Especially a connection to you.
So.. this is what I wrote:
I would definitely choose the Search for Wisdom in India. I am of Indian heritage but was born and brought up in Canada. I have never been to India but have always wanted to see it. I always knew it would be a very special trip for me, but more so now than before. My mom passed away two and a half years ago. I feel lost without her. She really wanted to see India but didn’t get to go. I wasn’t able to figure out how to take her. I feel I need to take this trip now for me AND for her. I usually travel by myself and love traveling. But I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to travel on my own to India. So the thought of going on a trip with Andrew- to be able to meet him in person and be inspired by his obvious passion for cultures and history, would be amazing. I especially am intrigued by the emphasis on the sacred and search for wisdom, mentioned in the title of the trip. Just the thought of it brings me goosebumps. Maybe it would connect me and my mom and bring me some peace in that regard. Going to India is something I feel compelled to do but have not found the right opportunity to ensure it would be a safe, organised but also inspiring trip. Maybe that is about to change.
Because of this, I ended up winning the 3rd prize, which is a book called Radical Passion- written by Andrew Harvey himself. We ended up winning it, together. Our story of an endless mother- daughter connection.
I need to tell you more about this man and what he does and what he stands for in another blog entry. But for now, I will say thank you, Mom, for still connecting me to things that matter, to still being able to both ground me and inspire me despite us not being physically together. You’re right- that is the power of a mother. There is nothing like it. A mother is absolutely irreplaceable.
I will let you know when the book arrives. Maybe you will already know before me. I like to imagine you have a hand in delivering it right at the right moment.
India, Mom. It’s coming, and it’s calling me. I think it always has been. I can just feel it more strongly now. I will find a way to make it happen for us.
A trip of a lifetime, or more than a lifetime, you could say. Because we are definitely doing this together.
Love you, Mom.
Happy Sunday. No day goes by without you on my mind and heart.