I feel silly or sad or unsure whether to use the word happy when wishing you a birthday. Can I even wish you a birthday if you are now in the spirit world? I guess it’s just a way for me to honour your birth. To tell you and the universe how blessed I am to have been your daughter. To tell your mother and father how grateful I am that they came together and had you, and especially that your mother gave birth to you.
I was at the cemetery on the date of your five years of passing- February 20th of this year. There were birds – big huge geese- all over, especially around that little stream that lies under the willow tree near where your gravestone is. It was a beautiful scene. It seemed more like you in terms of how much you liked ducks and geese and birds. How much both you and Mama liked them. They seemed to have just made that little area their home. And turned it into more of a peaceful, sanctuary type of feeling as they relaxed and bathed in the sun.
I left you ten red roses. I took the other two to Mama’s grave. It was easier for me to find hers this time. I counted around 11 by 11 gravestones from one corner of her area and it worked. It was maybe something like 13 by 11 spots in the end, but still. Easy to remember since I believein 11:11’s so much more now since you have passed away. I have to. It’s one of those magic moments I feel blessed to experience “by surprise” throughout my day- either on the clock, on an apartment building, or even on taxi cabs. I heard that in India, the taxi drivers count on a picture of Ganesh for good luck, and helpin removing obstacles, along their drives.
I guess in Vancouver, although there are many Indian taxi drivers, they don’t need any extra god figures. They have 1111’s written all over them- because that’s the digit that fills up the end of the taxi phone numbers. Who knows if they notice, but I do.
I took more note of the numbers on Mama’s gravestone. 1918. I don’t know why I never noticed it before. Well, actually, it took me long enough to find her gravestone after so many years, so that could be partly why. But I guess I was focusing more on the date when she actually passed away- 1987- rather than the date she was born in my previous visits.
1918. Wow! Mama was only 20 years old when she had you? I just wrote a message to Nargis Aunty about that, just needing someone to confirm. I also told Nargis Aunty that it is amazing to me how much the women and mothers did and went through in our family. You are all like Superwoman. I don’t know how you did it. How Mama did all she did. I could barely figure out one day at a time when I was 20, and even that was going terriby wrong on some days. I can barely figure myself now at this age more than 20 years later.
Superwomen, I tell you. But you are the most super of super women that I have ever know and will ever know. Remember when your eldest grandaughter learned the word “saro” (as in nice or good) from you? And then one day, you gave her some food- was it a samosa or some seero from Khane? And you asked her, “Saro ai?” (is it good?) And she replied “Super saro!!!” with so much enthusiasm.
You couldn’t stop laughing and smiling. I could feel your heart and soul smiling at that moment and any other times you thought of that. I am going off on tangents here. Maybe this could be a topic for a whole other blog/letter to you.
But my point is that there was one superwoman who had you. And I am forever grateful to her. And you, my mother, my angel my favorite superwoman, supermother, super being that ever existed, I don’t know what I did to ever get to be your daughter. But I am super, super grateful for it.
I love you, Mommy. Happy Birthday.
I will see if I can find some cake to have for you today, and a good cup of tea. And mostly, I hope you are enjoying your own cake and pot of tea with you and your supermom.
My birthday wish, and every wish I make is always the same- that you are well taken cared of. That you are fully of joy and peace.