Hi Mom,
I heard this awful news last night- that the gun shots that some people heard a few days ago here in Vancouver were not just real, but also ended up killing someone. A young guy. He was just in his car going to a birthday party.
He had come to Vancouver a couple of years ago to study, and he had never drank or smoked anything. He was just wanting to learn, and save up for a house, and make his family back in India proud.
I still can’t believe someone just came up to his car and shot him. And his roommate, who had known him for ten years, saw his body in the car after the tragic incident. He was in shock. And made it very clear that his friend whose life was taken was not involved in anything criminal. He was a good person, a kind and hard working person. The roommate said his friend would make food for him when he was working, and the roommate would make food for the friend when the friend was working. They took care of each other. And just like that, the friend is gone.
Why do things like this happen?
It made me think about all the times I was out, and you worried. And sometimes, my phone would accidentally pocket dial you, and of course you worried, because a call would come in from me late at night and nothing sensical could be heard.
And then all the times I went away to another city or country, especially when I was studying in England. It was the first time your baby was away from you. Of course you worried. I am so sorry for putting you through that. For not coming up with a better system to reassure you that I was okay. You obviously knew tragic things could happen, like what happened to this boy. And no parent wants to have their child hurt or killed.
I found it hard to even write that last word, let alone imagine what his parents and family are going through right now. Parents are amazing. You are amazing. What you had to just trust would be okay, without knowing who I was with or where I was a lot of the times. You had to trust I would be safe and not harmed. And I wanted to say thank you for dealing with it. You shouldn’t have had to. I should have been a little more considerate of how you felt.
After all, I was the little girl who would cry and think the world was coming to an end when I’d get lost in P.N.E! Remember, at the Kushiali and Navroz events? We would be there, and for whatever reason, I would turn around and think I had lost you. But really, I was so lost, in such a big place, with so many people, surrounding little me.
I was always looking for you. And you’d always find me. But most of the time, I’d be scared, with tears in my eyes. And you would always comfort me and make me feel found and safe again. How could you expect that when I would get a bit older, I would just magically be okay in the big, wide world, especially knowing that sometimes, it was a big, bad world? That not all people are considerate and kind. That some, like the guy who went around just shooting an innocent person, while the person was just sitting in his car, and had done nothing wrong, that these people do exist. That tragedies can happen. And I was the girl who would get lost and scared in a safe cultural event, with you not far from me. So how would I ever be able to navigate another city or country or train rides and flights and all the strangers who I’d come across?
I commend you for what you went through with us- how you had to just get brave and hope that we’d be okay. I’m sorry for worrying you as much as I now see I potentially did. I would be worried too. You probably heard so many stories of other people’s children being hurt or manipulated or getting into accidents. And you were such a caring and sensitive mom. The most loving that I could have ever imagined. I hope that love didn’t get too wrapped up in fear or worry or stress over us and how we were doing.
Of course it did. I mean, I know that you loved us so much that you thought about us all the time. But we are safe, mom. It’s me that is now worrying about you. Where you are, how you are doing. I know, it sounds weird. But I was also always worrying about you when you were here, in a daughter to mother way, rather than a mother to child way. And I think about how I could have made your life less stressful by being more considerate about what you as a protective and caring mom were going through at the time with us. I could have made things easier, been more communicative about my plans and chosen better ways to get to certain places. Or even taken you with me more often so you could see that there wasn’t anything to worry about.
But then again, this guy who got shot was just on the way to a party. He wasn’t being unsafe. He was innocently taken from this life too early. And his parents worst nightmare has now become a reality. I don’t know how people get over that. I don’t think you ever do.
Thanks for keeping me safe mom, and for loving me so much that you worried for my safety. Thanks for being my mom. I’m okay. I promise. And I’ll keep finding ways to communicate with you when I need something or when I’m feeling lost or just to let you know I’m safe. Though, I’m sure it’s you that is also giving me some extra protection and guidance even now.
Love always and forever, Tas
letterstolaila 